Senti Saturdays Vol. 2: I Miss You, Mom.

6:52 AM Ajj Morales 0 Comments


I asked “what’s this on your finger?”
as I gently grabbed your hand.
It was actually an excuse
for our fingers to touch again.
Nostalgia. Bliss. All at once.
I was 5 again
running along Manila Zoo.
You grabbed hold of my tiny
hand; told me stay near you.
Side by side we toured the zoo.
Your hand in mine,
mine in yours.
By night you tucked me in bed,
hummed me my favourite lullaby
and kissed me goodnight.
We were at peace.
By morning you’d fix my hair
and tell me I’m pretty
because I got your big eyes.
You’d wait for me even if
I always end up being the last
to come out because I write
too slow.
Side by side we walk to the car
as I tell you the crazy things I did.
Delighted, you brush my cheek
and help me up the car.
We were at peace.
How long has it been
since we’ve exchanged ‘I love you’s?
How long has it been
since our bodies pressed?
How long has it been
since you’ve held my hand?
How long has it been
since we’ve compromised?
How long has it been
since we were at peace?

I wrote this poem during my freshman year in High School. It was a school day and everything was going downhill. I longed for my mother's comfort. However, I could not even take a step to her orbit. Her invisible walls were too strong to destroy, and too high to climb. Since then, I only found comfort in the company of my friends. I can't deny the fact that I still miss her. We may be living under one roof, but the walls are still there. Sometimes her gates would open, but it wouldn't be so long before it closes. Her love, for me, is best felt in the form of silence - when there are no scoldings, no reprimands, no debating, no release of negative energy.

But I'm still hoping for that day she would open her gates, and let me in; for that day she would take down her walls, and reunite again; still hoping that one day, she would come back for me, for us.